05 May 08. The Gift Shop is closed. The Church is faltering. Apparently, We are all working so hard on Ourselves that we don't have any time for anything else. Not that I'm bitter, mind you. Well, not much. No, really, I'm just busy with My life. But I'm open to suggestions.
29 Jun 07. There might still be time to attend the Witch Conference.
23 Apr 07. Okay, mea culpa. I haven't written for a while. I've been active behind the scenes, however, and will be launching the new version soon. In the meantime, I've deactivated the forum, since spammers seemed to be the only interested parties.
25 Dec 06. Forget whoever was supposedly born today, and spend a moment remembering one who's gone: James Brown, The Godfather of Soul. The Godfather is dead. Long live the Godfather.
Okay, You Tell Me: It's been suggested that The Church of Me narrow its focus. Some of Us think that the Church should do more for the most disenfranchised of all religious minorities — Atheists. Why should only those who believe in "God" get to have the advantages of an organized religion (performing weddings, tax exemptions, etc.)?
What do you think? Should the Church of Me turn it's vast energies toward organizing Atheists With A Sense of Humor? Help Me represent all of Me. Register, and
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telling Me about You (that is, Me). If I like it, I'll post it. Tell Me.
4 Dec 06. We (that is I (or Me)) want you to join as many religions as possible, so they cancel each other out. One you might particularly like is Dudeism.
4 Nov 06. One minute, everyone. Please, stop listening to everyone else. Don't listen to anyone except Me. On second thought, don't listen to Me, either.
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Revised
Chapter One
I
n the beginning, there was Nothing.1Depressing, no? But Nature2Or the Quantum Foam or, ahem, God or gods unknown. abhors a Vacuum. And so the Vacuum3Or Nature, or the Quantum Foam, or God, or whatever. put forth pairs of particles. And these particles were called4Much, much later, of course. "Matter" and "Anti-Matter."
Chapter Two
A
nd lo, after a while the Quantum Foam4Or Nature or God or whatever. lost interest, and stopped paying Attention. And soon it was that some extra particles of Matter slipped in. And when, as the nature of things demands, the Matter and the Anti-Matter met, they didst annihilate one another. But yea, the extra particles of matter remained and, after having looked around and judged the Neighborhood as being both Good with School for Kids and Low in Crime, didst decide to stick around.
And they didst get together and form a Block Association which they called the Universe.5Or more properly, Multiverse. (See Sun Ra, "Space is the Place.". And the Nothingness, which had existed long before the whole Foam/Nature/God thing, looked around and said, "Verily, there goeth the Neighborhood."
To which the Universe snapped back, "Yea, like you've done so much with the Place."
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Me am everywhere, and recognize that some of Me believe things which are completely contradicted by things which others of Me believe. And yet I, as Primate[1] of the Church of Me, have some strongly held opinions. This leads to a dilemma. Worshipping at the shrine of Me, it's imperative that I be true to My beliefs and tell the truth as I see it. [2] Acknowleding my connection to the rest of Me, and also acknowledging that the rest of Me has access to parts of the Omniverse that I don't have access to, and hence believe differently from "Me," I don't want to offend.[3] How can I be a stand-up, truth-telling, integrity-ridden worthy-of-worship Deity if I'm afraid of pissing off one of Me who doesn't happen to share my live-and-let-fester philosophy?
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The Church of Me: Threat or Menace? |
People often ask Me, "What's all this, then?" "Stop parodying Monty Python police bobbies," I reply. And the reasoned intellectual debate is on: Is the Church of Me a True Church™, or is it an transparently hollow stratagem, a ploy engineered to sell T-Shirts to pimply-faced teenagers anxious to tweak the sensibilities of their elders?
To which I can only reply, "Yes!"
The Church of Me doesn't want to be all things to all people (it can't "want" anything, it's an abstract institution), but it does mean everything to Me. And if "you" (that is, the part of Me reading this now) want to use the Church as an excuse for blatant egotism, feel free. If you want to let it inspire you to explore how the whole idea of Me is fuzzy to begin with, that's okay, too.
I'm not wishy-washy, just all-inclusive, and if you don't like it, you can bite Me.
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You've heard it before: "Me, Me, Me. That's all people ever think about." And they say it as if it's a Bad Thing. Did these whiners ever stop to think that perhaps that's the way it's supposed to be? Of course not, Because, like everyone else, they're only thinking of themselves. Well, it's time for Me to stand up for Myself. Say it with Me: "I Gotta Be Me."
Welcome to the most inclusive religious organization in the world. And the best part? You're already a Member.
The Church of Me lets you be Me, because you are Me. We're all Me. Every time you do a "good" deed, that's Me doing it. It's the same when you do something "bad" — that's Me, too.
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